Don’t ask me what men want — ask instead what’s left of Adam after the fall. What remains isn’t a man seeking purpose; it’s a being still blaming Eve for his own emptiness. If you ask me about these Adam remnants, I will tell you they are some of the most confused and conflicted beings I’ve ever encountered. The double standards they carry are staggering. They demand that women must have sexy eyes, flat stomachs, thick thighs, firm breasts, and light skin like we’re dolls custom made in a fantasy lab. And when a woman doesn’t meet all those shallow checkboxes, they grow cold, distant, and disappointed as if a woman’s worth lies solely in her appearance. Men should be stopped immediately with this generation they should know physical attributes doesn’t amount to perfection in a woman. 

Let’s talk about compromise or the illusion of it. A man will whisper promises into a petite girl’s ear, convince her she’s all he ever wanted. But let a curvier woman walk by and suddenly, all the love he once claimed to give becomes a distant memory. The promises evaporate, and the world he said he’d give her collapses into dust. Their loyalty often shifts with their desires, and their desires often lack depth.

So, what do men really want? Let’s be honest men will almost always choose themselves. That’s the bitter reality. The probability of encountering a genuine man one who stands on integrity, emotional maturity, and commitment is painfully low. Most want the best for themselves their careers, their ego, their pride and everyone else is just an accessory in their journey to self-satisfaction. Everything they do often revolves around fulfilling their hunger be it for validation, power, or pleasure.

We grew up in households where men were painted as superior from our fathers to the so-called husbands we were conditioned to wait for. They see the world through two main lenses: one that reflects their work and the other that craves pleasure. They value their work because it mirrors their accomplishments, and they chase it relentlessly for validation from society. Work, for many men, is not about impact but about status about greed, about being seen, about collecting trophies in the form of wealth and women.

When it comes to pleasure, it’s worse. They chase it without shame, even if it means at the expense of hurting others. Their pursuit of sexual gratification or reproductive conquest often comes at the expense of empathy or commitment. It’s almost primal an animalistic urge masked in modern clothes. And the society around them continues to reward this behavior. A man cheats on his wife, and society barely blinks. A woman cheats or even just demands emotional presence and suddenly, she’s immoral, dirty, disloyal, and undeserving of respect. Having read the history of Henry VIII who executed two of his wives Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard 1536 and 1542 respectively with allegations of cheating and adultery is alarming. My actual concern is couldn’t he see that as a man he failed to accomplish manly duties to them if it was at any chance Anne cheated that would have made sense unfortunately, it was two of his wives that is so direct that he barely quenched their needs what so hard to understand why couldn’t his advisers be real with him and tell him at some point he need to brush his ways to his women.

What hurts most is the hypocrisy. A man will see his wife’s insecurities as weaknesses, mock her struggles, and instead of helping her heal, he’ll seek comfort elsewhere from another woman. And yet, if that same woman dares to seek comfort from someone else, she’s shamed, insulted, and ridiculed. Society will quickly label her immoral, promiscuous, or unworthy. The double standard is exhausting.

And maturity real maturity is realizing that nothing can keep a man who doesn’t want to be kept. Not the prettiest face, not the most mind-blowing sex, not even a brilliant education or a giving heart. If he wants to leave, he will. If he wants to hurt you, he will. If he wanted to act right he would. Talking of if he wanted, he would remember Napoleon’s letters to Josephine he was among the strongest rulers who conquering lands, yet fragile before the woman he deeply loved he wrote over 250 letters to express how each day his heart yearned for her the kind of words every woman long to hear. This is what intention looks like.

I remember once being in an Uber, and the driver started ranting about how women these days are toxic and materialistic. According to him, women only want money, flashy lifestyles, and have no sense of “true love.” He romanticized the old days — when, in his opinion, women were more submissive, more patient, and never asked for things like a $1,000 monthly allowance. At that moment, I felt so angry. I wanted to slap him not out of hate, but out of sheer disbelief. What did he mean by saying women should remain voiceless and endure poverty and pain in the name of loyalty? Why must women suffer to be seen as worthy? Quoting one focused and the fearless lady I have encountered Honorable Millie Mabona Odhiambo who once urged girls to be ‘bad girls’ and it will take them somewhere I now understand that good girls finish last or rather get nothing at the end since there is no reward to poverty or rather to suffering. At times if we are realistic some men have nothing to bring to the table apart from money not to talk of emotional intelligence, not consistency, not communication, not emotional labor or support for growth.

Where did humanity go? Where did Godly love vanish to? I was flooded with questions memories of the women in my life who were forced to swallow their pain. Women who were told by their mothers to “endure” because “that’s just how marriage is.” I remember watching my aunts suffer quietly, watching them lose parts of themselves in toxic homes, all while society looked away. The fruits of enduring pain and suffering mostly end in grave as they lose their lives and the society will do nothing but help carry the coffin.

Women are often viewed as liabilities in households yet we carry so much. We carry the pain of menstruation. The agony of childbirth. The trauma of losing virginity in a world that treats it like a transaction. The sleepless nights rocking babies while men snore away like trumpets. We cook, clean, wash dishes, soothe egos, and still cater to the emotional and sexual needs of men and we do it all while holding down 9-to-5 jobs. Imagine being a career lady that comes back at home going to the kitchen to compete with utensils as men sit in couch enjoying and watching news. And still, that is not enough. How I pray that these men, obviously not all, but the few to take initiative and help their wives’ simple courtesy doesn’t hurt at all. Some of these things that men do to their wives the children learn and there is when you find young ladies fear and are traumatized to get married.

Today’s society a man expects a woman who is both a homemaker and a high-flying career woman. He wants her to bring home a paycheck, raise the kids, keep the house spotless, look flawless, and still serve him like a king. Not to forget that they still expect the woman body to be in a perfect shape even after giving him babies and heirs I keep asking myself even with all this social evolution, why can’t men evolve emotionally? Why can’t they meet women at a place of empathy, sympathy and shared responsibility?

But with all this said, I must be fair not all men are like this. I’ve met men who care, who love with intention, who break generational patterns. Men who listen. Men who protect peace instead of causing chaos. And perhaps some of the men we criticize are also victims of cultures that taught them emotions are weak, that crying makes them less of a man, that dominating women is the mark of manhood. Perhaps they are also struggling, lost in a society that raised them to survive, not to feel.

Women too are not perfect. Some of us are also playing games. Some seek revenge. Some manipulate. Some build walls so high that even love cannot break through. We’ve also inherited brokenness, and we must own that.

But healing is not gendered. Growth is not one-sided. What if we stopped trying to out-hurt each other and started listening? What if men dropped the ego, and women released the bitterness even for a moment to meet somewhere in the middle? A place where masculinity isn’t defined by dominance and femininity isn’t equated to submission. A place where love isn’t a battlefield, but a partnership. Where boys are raised to feel and girls are raised to speak. Where we choose love with our eyes open not out of fear, but out of freedom.

Because in the end, this isn’t a war between men and women. It’s a war between brokenness and healing. Between silence and truth. And as for me? I choose truth even when it hurts. Because truth is where healing begins.